AT WHAT COST?

tRUE cONFIDENCE 

In my quiet times, I always ponder over the idea of what ‘true confidence’ is and what it entails, you know like how do I know that I am truly confident and not just telling lies to myself to feel better or just living up to the hype of expectations and opinions.

Then I came across the poem PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou. After reading this poem over and over (by which I mean twice) I have begun to understand and accept that I am on the right path of finding ‘true confidence’.

 I use the phrase ‘on the right path’ because I cannot and will not allow myself think that I AM FULLY CONFIDENT. (then I will be deluding myself an just be thinking foolishly)

Let me tell you a bit about myself, I have never been one to care about the latest fashion or trends, I always thought that this was because I was different but the truth is that, its because I was never awarded the privilege of deciding if I wanted the nice things in life. (no, I was not a tramp, my parents are just Africans…lol)

Growing up, I have trained myself to like what others hate and hate what was attractive to my peers. It is this way of thinking that had me questioning my ‘acquired’ confidence in the less appreciated things. (I mean, out of fashion clothes/shoes…yeah basically my charity shop bargains)

In my quest to find myself, I started to question whether I was actually happy being ‘me’ or was I just finding ways to be ‘content’ with what I had.

It was at this time that I took notice of the pressures around me.

(Yeah! you know what I am talking about because you are under the same pressure too).

Maybe it’s always been there but it seems these days if a girl does not own and make use of her TOPSHOP store card she is NOT worth adding on Face book. I mean girls are now dressing like the ‘manikins’ in shop windows,(what wrong with that?) they all look plastic!

(Hmmmm…you know am going to talk about it so wait…I will come to that….!)

Speaking to a friend the other day, I found out that the latest THING to have as an IT girl is a pair of Christian Loubuiton (pardon my spelling I’ve never seen one before) shoes which retails from about £500 (if I am not mistaking), my friend calls them the STUDENT LOAN shoes!

I now what you’re thinking, I promise I am not hating, but if you have to use half your student loan to buy a pair of shoes to stay RELEVENT in your circle of friends yet, you do not own a house, car or even shares, then there is something wrong.

I am all for looking and feeling good but at a point you have to ask yourself AT WHAT COST?

And then there is the all famous BRAZILLIAN HAIR! (What, I said and?) I mean what happened to the likes of Premium Now and Plus & even Milky way? (I am not going to lie if I ha hair I will definitely be tempted on that hype too because it looks good)

But, In London now, all I see are clones and copies, to me almost every black girl looks the same. There is no more individuality or expression of one’s self anymore. I go to a club and all I see are DRAWN on eyebrows (some actually look like they’ve used RULER) with heaps of FAKE BRAZILLIAN hair (even BRAZILLIAN people DON’T LOOK THAT RIDICULOUS!)

Back to my thoughts, I have been so disgusted by this new trend and show of deteriorating self esteem amongst my peers that I panicked and thought, “wait! Stop the hating and admit it, you know you want some”. But again I ask, AT WHAT COST?

Maya Angelou is not the prettiest women by conventional standards yet she won a Nobel Prize and is seen to be one of the most influential women of our times, when she speaks, men, presidents even the world listens, how did she achieve that, AT WHAT COST?

I’ll tell you, not by succumbing to the pressures of her peers or social standards and certainly not by VANITY but PHENOMENALLY.

I admit it is tempting but I am on the right track of gaining true confidence!

Because I understand the fact that I am different and that my confidence needs NO APPROVAL!

I accept that true confidence does not depend on your hair, your clothes, bags or size of your LV purse BUT rather “in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. Phenomenally,” a great (confident) person you can be!

Besides, I cannot be pressured into entertaining annoying GUYS because of what they COULD or COULD NOT afford to buy me.

I am not judging on any body, all I am saying is REMEMBER BEAUTY FADES so ask yourself, AT WHAT COST?