‘Te Amo’ It means ‘I Love you’

Hello my lovely readers, I don’t celebrate Christmas so I cannot partake in the festivities or send seasonal greetings to you however I do hope that you are all enjoying your selves and that all is well with you.

I was just thinking, as I was cooking today and it hit me like a knife cutting through my skin that I have never been in LOVE before.

When I was sixteen and got with my first boyfriend, and after losing my virginity to him years later, it only felt natural for me to reply ‘I Love you too’ when he said it. And for the remainder of the years we were together, it just made sense to ‘love’ him because he was my boyfriend after all and essentially, my first.

But a year after we have broken up, I am faced with the fact that what I felt was not ‘love’ but comfort. I mean, I can’t dispute the fact that I don’t really care for him now after how things ended between us, I have considered whether this ‘realization’ was coming out of contempt or disdain. And I am sad to say that it is not. I say I am sad because it will be easier if it was because I was bitter than face the fact that I spent so many years living a lie.

I don’t blame him or myself for this because I don’t believe in regrets. I believe everything happens for a specific reason even if we don’t see it now.

Ok, I’m sure you’re wondering why I think I never ‘loved’ him.

Well, I don’t care what anyone says, there are certain things that we can only understand and grasp with age and experience. I don’t believe I had neither to help me decide.

I felt pressured to say ‘it’ back because I was afraid to lose him if I didn’t. I really liked him but I never respected him.

And perhaps the most important, I never saw him beside me in my dreams of when I would be inaugurated as minister someday. I could never picture our future together.

To be honest, our relationship lasted as long as it did because I felt I had to prove something to people around me. I had to prove to them that I was right and they were wrong and that I was happy. In actuality, I needed his love…I needed somebody to love me so bad that I settled for his (love) and allowed things to go on for so long.

I am writing this post because I believe there are many of us still in this predicament and cycle who refuse to stop and admit to ourselves that IT IS NOT RIGHT.

It is about time you put yourself first and admit the truth…just because he is good and ‘perfect’ does NOT mean he is the one for you…!

Stop holding on to things that don’t belong to you just because it looks good or it makes sense to everybody else. Most times we get with our boyfriends because we want to look good in front of our friends/family and the public at large, because we want people to say how lucky we are to have this and that…!

But remember...True Confidence/Happiness needs to approval...!

Besides, the question is ARE YOU HAPPY?

DO YOU really LOVE HIM/HER

I will not pretend to know it all because I don't and I am still learning, and with every epiphany I have, it teaches me how to grow from that mistake, let it go and evolve as a person.

I challenge you this month to find time to reflect on your past experiences and find out where it went wrong and make your peace because until you deal with it, it will keep haunting you…!

Do let me know how it goes…!

thicckmadamme@gmail.com

until next time, keep it Thicck!