Singles & Married: Does LoVe cost a thing?

Happy Love month to you all...would you say "...love costs a thing?"

We all know that this is the month the world has designated to be the love month.
With Valentine's day creeping up on us, I am reminded of painful and perhaps regretful memories.

I don't know if I'm alone in this but you know when you meet a girl or guy and you like them so much that you are most often found day dreaming about them?

Ok...well that was me a couple of years back...I met a wonderful guy and we quickly became friends...we talked all day and all night sometimes...however there was one issue...he wasn't saying what I was dying for him to say..which was, D! I want you. I love you!

As time went on I was loosing hope and to be honest I was running out of patience.
So, I had the perfect plan...he had been talking about how disapointed he was about his phone blowing up and him needing to replace it.
So I thought, ok I will get him a brand new one maybe he will see that making me his woman
won't be such a bad idea...and so I did...!

The guy took it when I gave him and when I asked him so can we take things to the next level and to my absolute surprise he said NO!

So my question is...have you found yourself in this situation either at the recievibg end or been the giver...?

Was it right for me to assume I could buy his love?

Does your love cost a thing?

Singles & Married: Should I? Would you? Why not?

Hello guys,

 Welcome to the new edition on my blog called 'SINGLES & MARRIED', courtesy of my amazing church GLOBAL RESTORATION CHURCH. THEY ASKED ME TO HOST THIS SEGMENT BY WAY OF DISCUSSING THE SEVERAL ISSUES WE FACE AS YOUNG PEOPLE IN LOVE/LUST AND CONFUSSION.

so, I must admit, I've been battling with what to discuss as my first topic and just like that it happened!

just this week, work was getting so stressful that I decided to just take a 10min break to reflect and as fate will have it my colleague decided she will join me. at first we sat in silence then she started,

''Desire, can I ask you something?'' she said and after rolling my eyes at her (simply because i was in no mood to listen, I just wanted to relax in peace) I said yeah go on.

Anyway, so it turns out that her guy has proposed to her and as quickly as her world became somewhat complete, that joy was abruptly taken back when she discovered that the man asking her to marry him is her close friend's ex boyfriend.

''I love him so much and you know I'm not getting any younger...'' she went on to explain ''...but I don't know if I could marry this guy know he has been intimate with my best friend...''

So HER QUESTION WAS...

SHOULD SHE?

WOULD YOU?

 

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS ...PLEASE HELP?

Dairy of a CELIBATE woman: ME!

When I turned 25yrs old this year May 3rd 2013, a lot changed in my life. I had a lot of decisions to make about my life generally, emotionally and spiritually.

One of such decisions was becoming celibate. For those that are not sure what being celibate is. Its choosing to abstain from sex or sexual intercourse (after losing your virginity).

I made this decision first as just a mere challenge to see how long I could last. I became sexually active when I was 19yrs old and have enjoyed the 'forbidden fruit' ever since, so to speak.

As time has gone on, I've met men and when they've wanted to get intimate I explain to them that I am celibate. Most men have got angry and have even gone as far as accusing me of leading them on. Although I don't how mere telephone conversation and two dates count as leading one on.

My male friends have doubted my sanity while my female friends just laugh at me. Some even go as far as to say maybe I'm now gay and I'm using this as a cover up.

Well, I never expected all this when I decided to become celibate. To be honest and like I said before it started out merely as a challenge but as time goes on, I am finding that this decision I took is becoming more empowering each day and with each challenge and temptation.

It has not been easy and I don't imagine it will ever be but it has been rewarding. I am finding that I have more to offer men than my body. I am more intrigued when I meet people to find out more about their person than day dreaming about how good they are likely to be in bed. I am more comfortable with myself when relating to the opposite sex because I don't feel the pressure of activating my slut radar just to prove that I can be a freak in bed.
In short, I am slowly but finally discovering myself.

Its very surprising because this is NOT what I was expecting to experience at all when I embarked on this journey. At most, I thought I would be bored or even meet some hot guy who would pull me back. Actually come to think of it I have, lots actually but I have to say I am loving the self control and the dignity and pride I feel when I resist temptation and I've grown to cherish the absolute delight and growth I see when I stand infront of the mirror.

A lot of the times I've  (and most young women) had sex, it has not been because I was in love with the person but most of the time its because I felt I was obliged to. As disturbing as it may be its the truth and Thicck Madamme always keeps it real.
Most of the time, we think its our free will to get intimate but think about it...is it really?

My journey is still very fresh, I will keep you updated on my progress and remember the next time you want to get intimate with that person ask yourself if its what you truly want or what is expected of you!

That very 'awkward' moment...

Hey guys! Its been too long...I miss you...!

I'm back...and with a LOT to share with you...I had the most amazing summer ever with me big sister...Lover her to bits!
So anyway, I have a new laptop now (by the way Windows 8 sucks) so I should be blogging more often now...!

OoooK! So you know 'that very awkward moment' when you've dated a guy for a while and then all of a sudden he gives you the 'very cold' and silent treatment? YES! I knew you guys would know!

So I met this guy on the plane, I sat next to him and we got to talking and after the initial 'shakara' (on my part obviously) things proceeded steadily. He eventually asked me out and I obliged. he even made me a mix tape just before I left Ghana to go home for the summer holidays. I was overly excited because no one had ever made me a mix tape before.

So I arrive in London and things are cool, I will call, he will call then after sometime ................!
Yep! exactly that! white noise! Not even a 'bbm reply'. However, my darling boyfriend will be changing his 'dps' with numerous female pictures with status such as 'HBD so and so'. I decided to just forget about the whole situation and enjoy my holiday and time back home with my family.
After sometime, my sweetheart contacts me and tells me that the reasons for his behaviour was that HE FELT I WAS PRESSURISING HIM INTO MARRIAGE!!!

Upon hearing this, I could not believe my self but I quickly decided against having an argument with my sweetheart and quickly apologised and ended the conversation. I did this for 2 very honest reasons:
1- Because I still had feelings for him
2- It was just funny because anyone that knows me know I'm not particularly pro marriage


Ok, so after all this, on my return to Ghana, I told my now darling FRIEND to pick me up with the hopes of maybe rekindling our romance...(however being the sceptic that I am, I told another friend to be there for back up because although I'm a hopeless romantic, I am very realistic in my reasoning).

I arrived, I called my darling friend, he wasn't at the airport, so I called my back up and he was there so I relaxed (although disappointed).
after waiting for my bags to arrive, my darling friend called and said he was there, outside, waiting...I could not get out of that airport fast enough. I was so ecstatic I didn't have time for all the check at the airport...I couldn't believe he came...he actually came!

I finally get to the arrivals lounge and I see my back up, I was happy and grateful to see him but he wasn't my darling friend...where was he?

my friend took my trolley and we headed outside, I couldn't even hear what he was saying, I was too busy looking out for my 'Prince'.

Finally....there he was...in all his glory...handsome as ever....I cant tell you how I found my way through the crowd to hug him....!!! I even surprised my self!!!

He wasn't over the moon happy but he was smiling so that was good enough...we walked to his car and to my amazement  THERE SHE WAS, SITTING GLORIOUSLY AT THE FRONT OF THE CAR (IN MY PLACE)!

Yep! THAT VERY AWKWARD MOMENT!!!

As if I was slapped and punched at the same time, I could only ask who she was?!
In my head I was cursing and blinding but I had to compose my self and not seem defeated.
After his explanation, all I could say was I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN HOW LONG AND YOU HAD TO BRING HER TO COME PICK ME UP? THANK YOU FOR COMING BUT I HAVE A RIDE...!

25 going on 52

Hmmmmm! So my 25^th birthday is approaching and instead of excitement I am dreading it. Well maybe not exactly dreading it but I’m somehow not impressed with my accomplishments and achievements as of yet.

I know what you think, that I have a nerve to think this way when in fact I am in good health not in need and all my loved ones are still with me but hear me out here.

Like everyone else, I had an idea of where I wanted to be by the time I hit 25. I pictured myself settled in a career which will eventually lead to my dream of becoming Minister, maybe with a husband or, to say the least, a boyfriend. I had hoped that I would’ve made an impact or a difference to my community and society positively. This is all I wished for and set out to achieve in the next 2 years after graduating from university and embarking on a self seeking journey.

Over the years I have been busy trying to achieve this and as I am nearing that 25 mark, I am sitting here, alone in my room, wondering if I have achieved ANY of the things I had hoped for…!

Personally, I don’t think I have achieved nor done enough but I thank God for his mercies and guidance over the years.

 I am NOT yet settled in the career leading to my dream and destined job but I have the experience and knowledge to help me get there.

I am a published writer for a successful magazine (Xcape Magazine) and currently negotiating with a second magazine.

No! I don’t have kids but I am happy with whom I’m with right now.

I have NOT made headlines but as I strive for perfection every day, I try to make a difference in the lives of those around me and I hope that this blog is empowering readers to be themselves and stay true to who they are BUT always be open to learn new things.

So in a nutshell, I am not boasting nor bragging but hoping to encourage you to be positive no matter what your situation, expectations or limitations.

I am not living my dream yet but I am VERY happy and content with where I am.

I took 2 years after university to travel and find myself and boy did I do just that. My 2yrs is up and I’m preparing to head back home. Keep a look out for my journey’s tales.

Bill Cosby "I'm 83 and Tired"

 I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for when I was doing my National Service, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense;  Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers";  Muslims burning schools for girls;  Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery";  Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and Madrasa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia , New Zealand , UK, America and Canada , while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance..

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's be-deck themselves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves unemployable and claiming money from the Government.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and their children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in.  There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on! This is your chance to make a difference.

“I’m 83 and I'm tired. If you don't agree you are part of the problem!

I saw this the other day and I just had to post it...because damn it I'm TIRED TOO!

This man is talking a whole lot of sense and lets face it he is saying what a lot of us wish we had the courage to say...

Confessions of a HOMO

Why is there a growing number of young women

Choosing to engage in homosexuality

And bi-sexuality in our society?

Please remember I didn’t have the resources or time to conduct a national survey or research so these findings and indeed this article is loosely factual and more common sense and opinion based.

Ok so when I got this topic to write on for a magazine article I thought how the hell will I know why young women are choosing to become or engage in bi and homo-sexual activities? I mean even the subject of ‘sex’ and talking about it is frowned upon in this part of the world (Ghana, Africa) how much more the issue of homosexuality!

Indeed I thought this would be a challenge…until I began my research…and by this I don’t mean conducting tests and doing surveys but just having a good old ‘chinwag’ (talk) with people around me and beyond.

See what is interesting in my findings is that most people I spoke with have had encounters and experiences with homosexuality, although many of them insist on not pursuing or actively engaging in the actual act. Most of these (in fact almost 96% percent of the) people I spoke with claim to have first come to know about homosexuality in ‘boarding school’.  I have never been to boarding school in my life but from these testimonials, attending an all boys or female boarding and at an age where your sexual curiosity is just starting to sprout played a huge part in their experiences.

“…it was valentines and a girl wrote me a letter telling me she loved me and I should meet her behind the canteen after dinner, so I did. I was excited to also have presents to show off. When I got there she explained that she loves me and wants me to be her girlfriend...this led to my first sexual experience…” Beatrice, 28yrs

A lot of the stories I heard pretty much sounded the same and yes its true most of these young women and men are now heterosexual and have partners of the opposite sex however the topic we are discussing today is why a lot of our generation are choosing to engage in homosexuality or becoming bi-sexual.

More specifically, why are women in our society choosing to sleep with women and carry on the pretence of a heterosexual relationship?

Well there is no right answer but in my opinion the words GREED and CONFUSED comes to mind.

I say GREED because most women (and people in general) these days have embraced this new found liberation and gender equality ‘hoohaa’ and are running wild with it. In their heads the saying ‘what men can do, women can do better’ means in EVERYTHING including sex. I disagree and beg to differ. A lot of you with ‘open minds’ will argue and say it’s a personal choice whom one chooses to sleep with and that is true…to an extent. I say this because if this was entirely true, we will not look down on or find humans sleeping with animals appalling and disagreeable.

“…when I turned 21yrs, my boyfriend at the time was older and he persuaded me to do a threesome with another girl…to my surprise, I enjoyed it and ever since then I enjoy being with women. I mean I am not gay but I enjoy sleeping with girls like when I’m lonely or something…a lot of my friends do it so it’s easy for me to do it when I feel like it…No, my current boyfriend doesn’t know that I do it but maybe when we fight or when he travels I stay at my friends how and we have fun…” Constance, 24yrs

I say CONFUSED because a lot of the women who are choosing to either engage in homosexuality or bisexuality (in this part of the world) are mostly bitter and don’t know how to deal with their bad experiences with men or in most cases process the hurt and anger they’ve experienced.

I don’t disagree that this topic goes in deeper and further but I am not a psychologist I am a writer and from recent trends in society and listening to people talk, a lot of these young women are generally just fed up of men taking the piss and toiling with their hearts and generally JUST curious and bored. A lot of these young women have been sexually abused from childhood or have just been sexually active from an early age so by the time they’re in their 20s, they have experienced being with a man and now are ready to try new things.

However, the confusion comes in when they think that sleeping with another woman is the answer. I’m a woman and I cannot stand women! I have very few female friends because the ‘WAHALA DON PLENTY FOR ME’ (too much drama for me)!

In my opinion, although many of us, if not all, have encountered or experienced homosexuality, the growing number of you young women choosing to hide behind it by ways of safe guarding your heart and feelings is rapidly growing and quite frankly it is sad and pathetic.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had my heart broken and wondered why I even bother with men! And to tell you the truth, a lot of women and people think I’m Gay or Bi-sexual, I don’t mind, I just laugh and correct them.

In today’s society, there are many young; self sufficient, financially independent and well to do women who basically DO NOT need the security that man have been known to provide for women anymore. For this reason, when we are hurt and disappointed, so many of us wonder why we even bother putting ourselves through the lies and the cheating!

Whiles this is understandable, I don’t see how sleeping with another woman is the answer because they can hurt you too, they are human.

I cannot judge anyone but I am entitled to my personal opinion. This issue is becoming a problem in our society and as Africans with upstanding morals, traditions and rich cultures, it is important that we discuss it and deal with it instead of shying away from it and leaving it to affect and infect our current and upcoming generation who are the future.

And men…it would help if you treated us right so we will enjoy womanhood in all its glory.

                                                            TO BE CONTINUED...

Please share your views with me by leaving a comment below.

Till next time, Keep it Thicck!