FCUK Love…He aint worth ME!

Ladies….how many of you have fallen for a guy…and I mean fall so hard that it physically hurts!  You know the kind of feelings that is so intense that you just can’t stop yourself from day dreaming and making up stories in your head…that’s what I’m talking about. Even the Lord knows, I have fought against this feeling. I have done everything in my power to shake it off but all it seems to do is just make it worse.

I’m sure you urging to hear the full story…well, I met this person sometime ago and at that point in time I needed something from him (you know, the kind of thing that a woman needs from a man) so I let go off my inhibitions and just went with the flow. The plan was to hit and run with no emotional attachments but oh was I wrong…!!!

By the time I realized that these (evil) feelings were creeping up on me, I was in too deep.  And then the struggle began, I tried denying my (evil) feelings, feeling in the gap with more ‘forbidden fruits’ (worst idea ever), I tried ‘liking’ another person…but nothing and I mean nothing worked so I did what I thought was best…face  the truth.

Deep Breath…!

And so whiles intertwined in deep *cough*cough* ‘convo’, I felt what better time to come out with the truth.

So I said it: “I’ve fallen for you”!

To say that I was disappointed with what followed would be gravely understated…!

Silence! Nothing but Silence…!

I swear if I was white I would have been mistaken for a ripe tomato…never the less we continued with the ‘convo’ and I thought ok maybe his mind was pre occupied so let me try it again.

Deep Breath…!

“so do you think I’m being silly for liking you?” was what I said, which was followed by more SILENCE!

Then it hit me…why on earth am I losing sleep over someone that cannot even acknowledge my feelings. By no means am I saying he should feel the same way or lie but at least open your mouth and say something.  The total disregard for my emotions and what we shared sent a cold shiver down my spine.

I will never lie to you guys and say it was easy but in that moment I had a decision to make and I did... He aint worth ME!

Look! It doesn’t matter how cute he is, educated he is, well accomplished he is or how much he meets your requirements for a guy…He aint worth YOU if he can’t respect you or your feelings!

A lot of us women face this predicament but instead of accepting the fact that he don’t want you, you start making excuses for his actions and in turn allowing him to walk all over you whiles enjoying your precious jewels.

Well its time you woke up and took a stand because as for me I say…FCUK love! HE aint worth ME!

All women are ‘Hoe’s

Hey Thickens…this is another one to rattle your feathers…but just hear me out!

I know this post might get me a few enemies but like I always say, this blog acts as a therapy for me so pardon my reverse sense of thinking.

Ok here we go!  So when I say all women are ‘hoes’ I know what the female readers will be thinking of me,  and whilst you may not be far from the truth, just open your mind and hear what I have to say.

I was watching a program last night about prostitution and the panel were discussing how there is no need or excuse and therefore reason for prostitution. They even went as far as blaming parents, society and poverty for this ‘act of shame’.  Some brought in religious reasons as to why being a prostitute is wrong, while others brought in moral reasons. But I say that we as a society are all guilty of being prostitutes to a certain degree, especially us women.

Yes I said it…you are a hoe!

Ask yourself, what makes someone a prostitute? And most of you will say it’s ‘the act of selling your body for money’ or having sex for money, right? Ok.

So now as females, think of how many men you have slept with or ‘dated’, now think of how many times he ‘paid’ for something for you or ‘bought’ you gifts thus paying and rewarding you for services rendered.

According to the general definition of prostitution, will you not agree with the statement therefore that we are all therefore prostitutes?

Just think about it?

I am not writing this post to justify prostitution but to bring to attention our own acts of hypocrisy. Before we judge those who are engaged in this supposed ‘act of shame’, stop and really think if you are any different.

On second thought, maybe there is a difference, and that is the fact that those branded as prostitute by society stand by the road side and name their price outright. But realistically, being wined and dined before the job is done, is only a process not a different situation.

Help!!! ‘…I need a Man.’

Hey Thick ones…I miss you guys so much…it’s good to be back. I’m still a bit jet lag though but God is good. So on my way to Italy, I wasn’t aware that ‘Easy Jet’ had not in flight entertainment therefore I had two hours with my thoughts and we all know what transpires when that happens. Anyway, during the flight my thoughts drifted to my current situation as a single woman. My thoughts rudely got interrupted as I was suddenly brought to reality when the plain jilted as a result of slight turbulence. But just as sudden as the jilting plain, a though also hit me…I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN SINGLE…!

Ok…so the truth is, I had my first (proper) boyfriend when I was 16years old….and we all know how that ended…but to be honest with you guys, I really cannot think of a time that I have been TOTALLY single. I know by the end of this post you guys can identify…and if you don’t then I guess it will be safe to assume that I have ‘daddy’ issues…lol

But seriously, as far back as I can think, I have always attracted male attention. I remember I had my first encounter with men when I was about 14yearl old on the bus to Plaistow when the man ‘moved’ to me and asked me for my number…lol…being naive…and excited, I gave him my house number…I couldn’t wait to tell my friends the next day in school. When I did, I found out that they had been experiencing this already.

My point is that from that day, there has always been a man in my life. Don’t misunderstand me; these men have not been my boyfriends, in the sense that my relationship with them has never crossed the line of talking on the phone or just speaking. However, they have always been there. Hence my present panic! For the most part of my life I have always had a dominant male presence from daddy and my foster dad to all these men.

Most of the time it is very easy to point fingers and judge people (I should know, because I do) when we see how they live but as I have to learn we have to always accept that there is always more to the story. It has never been my intention to make sure there is always a man present in my life but that has always been the case.

I thank God for His wisdom because, although this has always been the case I have tried not to depend on men…but the truth is like most young women we do depend on men…for many things. I know right now you’re thinking, ‘SPEAK FOR YOUR SELF LOVE’…BUT IT IS TRUE. It is in our nature to be praised and appreciated and that’s where these men come in. A lot of the times, we know that these men don’t mean what they say but we want to hear them anyway because it makes us feel good about ourselves… Especially when we are single and don’t have that security of a relationship.

As a result of this realization and as the plane landed, I decided to TOTALLY be single in every sense of the word…and…yeah! You guessed right! It lasted about a week…!

Look…I can live without SEX…KISSING…and all the fuss that comes with relationships but I need that LATE NIGHT telephone calls with the opposite sex…! Come on, I’m not asking for much just the odd phone call, trip to the movies…you know…I don’t think that is too much to ask is it….after all I’m not asking for a baby…!!!